Life is about moving forward. It's not unreasonable to look back on the past from time to time, because without looking back and seeing what didn't work, how will we figure out what to do that will work? But we can't dwell. The what-ifs and why-didn'ts won't get us far.
I'm going through a lot of changes right now. The relationship that I was in, which I had thought would stand the test of time, has changed into a friendship that is, at its best times, very rocky. The BFF that I have relied on for support - both physical and emotional - has gone to take care of someone other than me (not that this is a bad thing, just a change). My home, which has felt less and less like home over the past two months, is now truly just a place to stay for the time being. And, while I have to look back over the past 8 years or so to figure out what hasn't worked, I also have to look forward at what is to come. Where is my life going? What do I want to accomplish? What will make me happy?
Yesterday, on my way to "church" (quotes because, try as I might, I cannot think of The Bridge as a church), I opened my mail. In it was a 30-day no-cause eviction notice from the new management company that has taken responsibility for the duplex where I live. Since I am on a month-to-month lease, they have the right to give me 30 days and no reason (I am grateful, because if they did have a reason they could give me as little as 72 hours). I had intended on moving anyway, since this space has several features which are not ideal to my lifestyle. It would have been nice, though, to be able to do it on my own time rather than on someone else's schedule.
So I'm moving forward. I'm looking back at what hasn't worked for my living situation (lots of stuff, none of it all that very important or useful) and examining what will (paring down to the things that are basic necessities, plus a small amount of things that are special to me for sentimental reasons). I'm looking back on what hasn't worked in my relationships (dishonesty - more with myself than with my partner) and examining what might (self-discovery and friendship before emotional or physical joining).
It's a new beginning. Time for a clean slate. A chance to grow up a little more and make my life my own. Wish me luck.